Single in Sioux Falls and looking to change that? They want to help

If online searching, swiping and potentially getting swindled have made you squeamish about using a dating app, well, there’s a solution for that.

Or two. You could try a matchmaker, like April Davis, president of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking.

Or join a group like Sioux Empire Singles, which offers events rather than one-on-one encounters. Its next gathering is Feb. 26 at Rock the Shrine 2022, where founder John Small has reserved a table.

Because if you’re single and feel like you’re the only one, you’re wrong.

According to a survey from QuoteWizard by Lending Tree, the marriage rate in South Dakota has dropped by 56 percent since 2009 compared to 2019. However, the state itself still boasts the 10th highest number of married couples in the nation.

WalletHub recently ranked South Dakota as 38th on its list of Best and Worst States in which to be single. It placed the state as 46th in its ranking of lowest gender balance, 48th for fewest mobile-dating opportunities, 47th in restaurants per capita and 32nd in the “romance and fun” category. The good news: South Dakota is first in dating economics – apparently, we’re a cheap date.

But the romance and fun category could change. Small, owner of and show host on Sunny Radio, founded Sioux Empire Singles last year. Not for himself — Small and his wife, Heidi, have been married for more than 20 years, and he knows how fortunate he is. Instead, he started it after listening to friends talk about the difficulties they faced in meeting other single men and women.

Heidi and John Small

A single male friend, who had devoted himself to his career for decades, now found himself facing the future in his 50s, regretting the lack of focus on his personal life. His career had ended abruptly with the pandemic, and he felt alone. After hearing that, Small decided to form a Facebook group and set it up Feb. 5, 2021.

He promoted it a bit last spring, but essentially it lacked focus. Then, Small heard from someone else who was feeling both lonely and envious.

“It was during the (Sioux Empire) fair in 2021. I was walking away from the fairgrounds, talking with another person, and they said, ‘Man, I wish I had what you have,’ ” Small said.

About the same time, a female friend in her 50s told him about a date where she had money stolen from her. That’s when Small decided to start promoting Sioux Empire Singles. One of the members, Teri McKenney, offered to assist him as an administrator, and the group started to take off. It now numbers more than 470 members, with more added weekly.

McKenney, a nurse and business owner, said she has been single since 2009 and has many unmarried friends. Sioux Falls has an extensive group of singles in all age groups, McKenney said, and needs a platform such as Sioux Empire Singles where people in their 20s through their 70s can establish relationships.

“People in Sioux Falls are facing the same dilemma,” she said. “They just want to form friendships or relationships, and they feel like on the dating apps there are a lot of scams and a lot of people you don’t know where they originate from. This is more of a local-type platform. I think that’s why I decided to chime in.”

Members in Sioux Empire Singles come from across South Dakota and the neighboring states of Iowa, Minnesota and Nebraska. Currently,  more men than women are members, and there’s a wide range of ages, except for members in their 30s and 40s.

Members in their 20s are leery of dating platforms that could go wrong, McKenney said. They know casual hookups can be dangerous both to their health and to their emotional well-being. She weeds through applicants, ensuring the profiles reveal a genuine interest in forming a relationship.

That’s what Small envisioned when he formed Sioux Empire Singles. He talks with singles who admire the relationship he and Heidi have both personally and professionally in their radio show. After 22 years of marriage, Small can’t imagine the challenges facing his single friends, especially when you throw in what can be the pitfalls of technology.

“A young lady I’ve known for most of her life, she went on a date with this guy, and halfway through some lady comes in and sits at the table. She said, ‘I just wanted to see who my husband was having dinner with. This is my husband, and I’m taking him home,’ ”  Small said.

His friend was left paying for the meal, including a bottle of wine that her “date” had ordered. “Now you see why I don’t date,” she told him.

Setting up Sioux Empire Singles through Facebook means people can look up members to see what they’ve posted previously, Small said. That should eliminate the deliberate misrepresentation – high school photo from someone in their 60s perhaps – that can happen on apps that set up dating profiles.

Sioux Empire Singles also is free to members. Like other groups Small has established – ShopLocalSiouxFalls.com and SiouxEmpireBelievers.com – he makes no money from it.

“It’s not always about making money,” he said. “I want to make listeners’ lives better and make them happier.”

McKenney, who is in her 50s, enjoys the mix of ages Sioux Empire Singles draws. She views it as a way to expand her group of friends and enjoys spending time with younger members. She also realizes that 20-somethings might want activities among their own group. Her eventual goal is to coordinate events in different age groups.

“A comedy club can be all-ages as something to go out and do,” she said. “Some of the members have wanted to go out for brunch, and that was an advanced-age group. Online, members can pose open-ended questions, and a 20-year-old can chime in and answer those as an ice-breaker kind of thing.”

People are not meant to be solitary, McKenney said. While marriage is not the end goal for everyone, forming relationships is essential for a person’s well-being, she said.

“We are not meant to be islands, we just aren’t,” McKenney said. “We need to be around others. I’ve always been pro-dating platform, so I believe in this. I’m hoping it will be a place where people can get out of their shell and just enjoy living.”

That echoes a matchmaker’s goals, said LUMA’s Davis.

“We work similar to how an executive recruiter works,” she said. “We know our clients and what they’re looking for in a match. We have a proprietary database, and we know who we think will be a good match.”

LUMA’s services also can include coaching clients, helping with wardrobe, first-date conversation tips and photo updates. Matchmakers plan the date, selecting something fun both participants will enjoy. An interactive date outdoors can be more relaxing than a meeting for drinks where the couple stare at each other across a table, Davis said. It can be easier to go on a walk with someone you’ve just met.

“We are the liaison between a client and a potential match,” she said. “We understand who a person is sometimes even better than they understand themselves. They think they need this sort of person to fall in love. The reality is the matchmaker will read between the lines and find the right kind of person for a long-term relationship.”

LUMA, which is free to join, has more than 25,000 members, Davis said.

Its clients include Sioux Falls residents, some of whom want to meet someone locally. Others are willing to travel elsewhere for the right relationship, Davis said.

People might be reluctant to come to a matchmaker, feeling they should be able to find Mr. or Ms. Right on their own, Davis said. The reality is there are so many options and, for busy executives, so little time.

“There are almost too many options out there when it comes to online dating,” she said. “They can swipe all day, but how do you select the right one, how do you know just based on the photos. One of our biggest challenges is they think there’s a lot of options out there, but it takes a lot of work to go through the options.”

A Netflix documentary on the “Tinder Swindler” shows what can happen when a person takes someone else at their word. According to the film, Shimon Hayut used dating apps to meet multiple women and then established lines of credit and loans in their names. Ultimately, they were left owing hundreds of thousands of dollars.

“Not everyone is who they present themselves as,” Davis said. “The whole online thing is exhausting. It can be a lot of work. You have your work inbox with 100 emails, then the inbox on your dating apps with 100 more emails.”

Sioux Empire Singles can be found on Facebook.

Visit LUMA Luxury Matchmaking here.