Sad Isn’t Bad helps families coping with kids losing parents

Chris Jacobs knew his three children would have a lot of adjustments to make in the days, weeks and months after his wife and their mother died almost 14 months ago.

For eight years, Miranda Jacobs had confronted her reoccurrences of cancer fearlessly and seemed to be improving when on Sept. 7, 2022, she collapsed in their home. Her death left son Jaiden, now 16, and daughters Liberty, 12, and Evelyn, 8, facing days, weeks and months of “firsts” without their mother.

Funeral director Kristen Peterson was the first person to tell Jacobs about a resource to help the children deal with their grief and turmoil, a program called Sad Isn’t Bad.

“Then, someone from my church came over and visited and mentioned it,” Jacobs said. “I have a pastor that lives behind me from another church, and he said something about it. Enough people said something good about it, so I thought, ‘Hey, I should look into this.’”

Sad Isn’t Bad, established in Sioux Falls about 16 years ago, is a grief support group for children who have experienced a loss. Meeting other children going through the same experience can reduce a bereaved child’s social isolation and offer other benefits, said executive director Katherine Olson.

Often, children don’t receive the support they need because their caregivers also are grieving. And South Dakota, for reasons Olson can’t identify, has more than the national average of such children. According to the Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model, one out of 14 youths in the United States will experience the death of a parent or sibling by age 18. In this state, the number is one out of 11 children.

Sad Isn’t Bad focuses on the awareness of grief and offers an environment to share emotions. It helps develop coping strategies related to the death.

Children attend with a surviving parent or caregiver or, in the case of the death of a sibling or grandparent, both parents and caregivers, Olson said. While acknowledging the grief that accompanies the loss of a pet, Sad Isn’t Bad focuses only on the deaths of people.

The free family sessions run for four weeks in a row, with the gatherings on a weeknight. A meal is served from 5:30 to 6 p.m., then participants break into three peer-support groups. Elementary-age, middle school and high school students and adults meet with counselors to discuss the same topics at age-appropriate levels. Free nursery care is offered for a family’s youngest members.

“The (Sioux Empire) United Way provides the bulk of our funding, which we’re so grateful for,” Olson said. “In the beginning, they had to scrounge up they money themselves. Some local churches serve as financial partners, and we do fundraising activities, which contributes.”

Olson was a pastor at First Lutheran Church, a Sad Isn’t Bad supporter, when a board member invited her to attend a preview night to learn about its services. She became its executive director in 2021.

Grieving can present itself differently, depending on whether the death is sudden or expected after a long illness, Olson said.

“We definitely serve families that have experienced all types of loss,” she said. “One way isn’t easier; it’s just different. Our participants are really supportive of each other’s losses. We respect the uniqueness of others’ losses. I do think participants do find points of connection, which is wonderful to feel less alone.”

Jacobs knew the death of the children’s mother would be a bewildering and lonely time for them, particularly Liberty, who was home when her mother collapsed. He also knew he wanted guidance in helping his children through that first year.

In October 2022, the Jacobs family joined four others in the fall Sad Isn’t Bad session. In all, the organization served 16 families for a total of 59 individuals last year, Olson said.

“We were the family that had suffered the loss most recently,” Jacobs said of his session. “Other families were probably about a year out.”

Jacobs’ daughters bonded with girls of similar ages. One of those girls had lost a woman who acted like a surrogate grandmother, caring for her after school.

“(Liberty) has really bonded with the girl she met in that time frame,” Jacobs said. “She’s from Iowa, but they hang out quite a bit. My son, there wasn’t really anybody around his age or anybody he related to, so he didn’t find a friend, but it did help — the atmosphere, being with family and having a meal.”

The Jacobs family has attended several of Sad Isn’t Bad’s quarterly remembrance gatherings, but Jacobs’ involvement will go on for a longer period. Already an active community volunteer, he now is serving on the 10-member Sad Isn’t Bad advisory board.

He fit that commitment into an already busy schedule because Sad Isn’t Bad helped his family and he knows it can help others.

“Part of it is just the giving back, right? The pay it forward,” Jacobs said. “Part is the normalcy, the meals, the environment, people talking — it made an impact. I don’t think I’d be where I am right now without it. Just that little bit of support, that family environment, right when I needed it, it was there.”

Jacobs estimates that he had volunteered with at least 20 other groups. He compares it to a feeding program familiar to almost everyone.

“I haven’t seen anything this impactful outside Feeding South Dakota,” he said. “The program is just amazing.”

Registration is open now for the next session, Olson said. Maximum capacity has been identified as eight elementary kids and eight adolescents, with the adult group as large as it needs to be.

“We want our groups to be full but not so big that kids can’t really have time to talk or connect with others,” Olson said. “We sense that in the future we’ll start offering more sessions. We know the need is greater than what we’re currently meeting.”

Sad Isn’t Bad opportunities

• Sad Isn’t Bad has three four-week sessions a year — fall, winter, spring — then families who have been through a four-week session are invited to the Journey program, a time of meeting quarterly for reconnection and support. Registration is open for the winter 2024 session, which starts Jan.23.
• Preview Night is Thursday. Local leaders are invited to share dinner with Sad Isn’t Bad and learn more about the program. Registration closes Tuesday.
• A fundraiser will be offered from 4:30 and 8 p.m. Nov. 6 at the 41st Street Pizza Ranch. Ten percent of sales will benefit Sad Isn’t Bad.
• From Wednesday through Nov. 7, Operation Helpful Smile at Hy-Vee will benefit Sad Isn’t Bad. You can donate at any Hy-Vee checkout.