16 years together — and a home designed to keep it that way

This piece is sponsored by LifeScape.

The first thing Mary noticed was the light in her new bedroom. It felt brighter, and the room felt bigger and more open. “No stairs,” she said with a smile. “More space.”

After 16 years of living side by side, Mary and Desiree were stepping into a brand-new home built specifically for them. Moving day carried a mix of emotions. “Excited and nervous,” Mary said. Desiree felt the same. “Nervous, but happy.”

Sixteen years is a long time to share a home. Long enough to build routines and to weather the small ups and downs that come with any roommate relationship but also long enough to become family. “I love her,” Mary said simply when asked what she likes most about living with Desiree. Desiree’s answer was just as tender, “She helps me with things, and she gives me hugs.”

For years, the two women lived together in a twin home filled with memories, shared holidays, evenings watching TV, listening to music and trips to musicals and Disney on Ice. Their lives were intertwined not just by proximity but by familiarity. They knew each other’s routines, preferences and quiet comforts. But over time, the physical layout of the home began to present challenges. Stairs and tight spaces were becoming harder to navigate.

The house that once supported their independence was slowly limiting it. “This home was born out of a commitment to friendship,” said Ben Jacobs, director of adult residential at LifeScape. “We have a group of women who have lived together for many years, and there was a profound desire to keep that bond intact.”

Rather than separate housemates or adjust to growing physical barriers, LifeScape chose to build. The goal was clear: Remove obstacles without disrupting the relationship at the heart of the home.

“We recognized that while their physical needs were changing, their need for one another remained constant,” Jacobs explained. “The decision to build was about removing those physical obstacles while preserving the social foundation they’ve spent a lifetime building.”

Lisa Shatter, lead direct support professional, has walked alongside Mary and Desiree for all 16 of those years. She has seen their personalities evolve, their traditions form and their bond strengthen.

“They have their ups and downs just like all roommates would,” Shatter said. “But at the end of the day, they still love each other and enjoy being together.”

However, the transition to a new home wasn’t effortless. When talk of moving began, there were questions. Why did they have to leave? What would change?

“It was hard at times,” Shatter said. “Lots of questions but lots of reassurance that everything was going to be OK.”

Then came the moment that made it real.

When Mary saw her new bedroom for the first time, she was excited because it was spacious and stair-free. She immediately began arranging her belongings, carefully placing her things just the way she wanted them. “She got started right away, making herself at home,” Shatter said.

When Desiree arrived, staff had thoughtfully arranged her new bedroom to resemble the layout she was used to in the previous house. With familiar furniture placement and flow, “she could find her things easily and keep similar routines,” Shatter explained.

Now, without stairs or obstacles, both women are experiencing a new kind of freedom. They move more easily throughout their home and are learning the layout, empowering them to do as much independently as possible.

“It’s nice to watch them learn the house and do things on their own,” Shatter said. “Home for these ladies means everything that anyone else believes is home: safety, security, comfort. They like their house to feel like a home. Pictures on the walls. Cozy blankets. Loving friends.”

For Mary, home means “comfort.”

For Desiree, it’s “housemates and staff.”

For Jacobs, the definition is universal.

“When we talk about ‘home,’ we aren’t talking about something different than what any of us want,” he said. “It’s a place of safety and security, but it’s also a place of pride. It’s where you feel comfortable, where your specific needs are met without question. Most importantly, it is the one place where you can truly be yourself.”

Since 2021, LifeScape has completed seven new homes for adults with disabilities, with an eighth currently underway, already surpassing the original goal of building five homes in five years. But for Mary and Desiree, the milestone isn’t about numbers, it’s about staying together.

“For Mary and Desiree, their relationship is the heart of their home,” Jacobs said. “Emotional stability is just as vital as physical safety.”

The move, he added, grants them something invaluable: the ability to age in place with dignity. “In their previous home, the physical environment was slowly dictating what they could and couldn’t do. Now, with those barriers removed, they have the freedom to focus on living rather than navigating.”

And living, for Mary and Desiree, is wonderfully simple. Listening to music, watching TV, going to musicals and sharing hugs.

To learn more about the adult residential program at LifeScape visit LifeScapeSD.org.