‘Those things that last’: Mentoring relationships create positive impact on both participants

This piece is sponsored by LSS of South Dakota.

A teriyaki dumpling speared on a fork in one hand, a seventh grader uses his free hand to select a card from the box holding the game Headband as he updates his mentor on his life.

His mentor, Dave DeVries, listens intently, interrupting only to urge him to take the occasional bite. After all, their time together is limited, lasting only the length of a middle school lunch hour.

But a lot can take place in those 40 minutes, especially in a relationship that has lasted for several years and likely will continue at least until the student graduates from high school in 2033.

DeVries is one of the 1,200 mentors who regularly meet with students in 12 school districts through a program established in 2001. The Sioux Falls School District, Sioux Empire United Way and Lutheran Social Services of South Dakota established the program, said Michelle Madsen, LSS senior director of community services who supervises the mentoring programs.

Since it started, LSS’s mentoring program has expanded to serve every school district in Minnehaha and Lincoln counties, Madsen said. One component of the program now matches mentors and students outside school hours.

But it’s the original program that pairs mentors and students in elementary grades through high school that sees the most demand and makes the greatest impact — and has the longest waiting list with students longing to spend time with nonfamily adults.

“Our goal for this school year is to get 250 new mentors,” Madsen said. “As of Dec. 31, we were 64 percent there, so we still have more to go. The bulk of our mentors are in elementary schools, but we still need people to work with middle and high school students.”

Mentoring generally connects two people who typically would never have met otherwise, Madsen said. They discover connections as they spend more time together and build a relationship.

“People don’t always know what to expect going into it,” she said. “The majority come back after a few visits and say it’s more than they could have imagined.”

Madsen, who has worked with the mentoring program since 2009, has talked with program participants who have done everything from teaching youngsters how to tie their shoes to preparing them to interview for their first job.

DeVries has grown accustomed to freewheeling activities during the 20-plus years he has been a mentor. For DeVries, a senior partner with Meadowland Financial Group, mentoring has been a part of his life since he was a freshman at the University of Sioux Falls. A fellow church member, who had known DeVries since elementary school, suggested he would be a good fit in the new program.

DeVries has mentored several students over the years. Sometimes, the relationship lasted only a few months if the student wasn’t comfortable. Others have stretched out over multiple school years.

Currently, Wednesday is DeVries’ day to mentor. It starts at Jefferson High School when he meets with Tavon, a senior with less than a semester left before he graduates. When that session concludes, he drives to the middle school.

A recent Wednesday was the first time DeVries and Tavon had connected since before the holiday break. Over a deck of cards, the conversation began as it had all school year, with an analysis of the most recent NFL games. DeVries, a Buffalo Bills fan with a team heading to the playoffs, teased the younger Vikings fan who had seen his team’s season end a few days earlier.

As the card game named golf continued, discarded cards turning over quickly as the friendly competition went on, the conversation switched to an update on what had happened during the time apart. They shared stories of Christmas gifts, DeVries hiking up his pant leg to show the vivid yellow socks he got in a white-elephant exchange.

Then it was back to a discussion on quarterbacks, with DeVries urging Tavon not to give up on J.J. McCarthy too quickly and drawing him out on possible trades.

DeVries first met Tavon through his older brother, Tyreek, who is now 22. He was Tyreek’s mentor from second grade until his high school graduation. DeVries, married and the father of two children, said his family became close to Tyreek’s family, and he didn’t hesitate when it was suggested that he become Tavon’s mentor too.

As Tavon nears graduation, their conversations often center on what the future holds. Every month or so, they review Tavon’s grades, making sure he’s up to date with assignments or in need of extra credit. They talk about life, family, possible jobs and what Tavon might choose to do for post-graduation.

“We talk about things dealing with character development, those things that last,” DeVries said. “I’ve told him that no one’s asked me about my GPA (grade point average) in 25 years. But you have responsibilities, even if you don’t want to do them. It’s the effort, not the actual grade that matters.”

Tavon grins frequently during the card games and conversations. He chooses not to eat lunch during their time together, saying he’ll eat after school. A tray filled with food would take up too much table space during one of the twosome’s other favorite activities, a game of paper football. No one keeps track of who’s winning the most games of golf, but Tavon filled up a page of scores during the paper-football season.

Students are suggested for the mentorship program for various reasons, Madsen said.

“First of all, they might see their friends and peers experiencing a mentoring relationship and think that would be fun,” she said. “My own mentee requested a mentor because a friend was talking about how much fun it is and she wanted to experience that too. Some kids have mild anxiety, and the lunchroom can be overwhelming. This gives them a break one day a week.”

LSS’ mentor program doesn’t offer tutoring, but research has shown that mentoring has a positive effect on academic performance, Madsen said.

“And every kid benefits from a positive influence in their lives,” she added.

Some children blossom in one-on-one settings more than in large groups, DeVries said.

Sometimes, his life seems too busy to squeeze an hour and a half away from work and family, he said. That feeling never lasts long.

And during his lunchtime at the middle school, his focus is entirely on the seventh grader, who chatters away when not asking the questions that will reveal whether the card attached to a plastic band around his forehead is of a bee or a toaster or a snail.

“Do I swim?” he asks DeVries, after slurping from a juice box. “Am I bigger than your shoe?”

DeVries has seen his mentee mature during the time they spent together. “You know I’m proud of you,” DeVries tells the student, who smiles and nods.

LSS hopes to continue to reduce the number of students waiting for a mentor before this school year ends. Adults 18 and older interested in mentoring for about 40 minutes a week are asked to commit to a full school year. A two-hour training course is offered in person or via Zoom. The actual matches are made through each school’s counselors, who suggest students who might benefit and review the application information.

January is National Mentoring Month. To volunteer as a mentor, call 605-444-7803 or email [email protected]. The application can be found at this link.