What about the kids? Children and domestic violence

This paid piece is sponsored by Children’s Home Society.

In South Dakota, one in three women and one in four men will experience domestic violence in their lifetime, according to statistics. That’s a lot, especially since experts think up to half of all domestic violence goes unreported, according to 2018 Bureau of Justice statistics.

But domestic violence doesn’t just harm women and men. Parents or caregivers involved in a violent relationship may not know that the violence affects their children, but it does:

• Many children who witness violence are themselves abused.
• Children who witness domestic violence may develop serious emotional and behavioral problems.
• Children who witness domestic violence are at greater risk of being violent or experiencing violence in future relationships.

“Children coming from homes where they have been exposed to domestic violence may experience anxiety, depression, social problems, developmental delays or difficulty in school,” said Children’s Inn program director Amy Carter.

Damaging effects on children

The impact of witnessing violence affects each child differently. Some are more resilient than others, and the effects also vary by age:

Preschool-aged children

Young children exposed to domestic violence may regress, returning to behaviors they had when they were younger, like bed-wetting, thumb-sucking, increased crying and whining. They may have difficulty falling or staying asleep, begin stuttering and develop severe separation anxiety.

School-aged children

School-aged children often try to rationalize or understand domestic violence and may blame themselves for it. Other effects can include low self-esteem, poor grades and withdrawing from activities and participation. They may have fewer friends, get into trouble more frequently and show signs of stress, like headaches or stomach aches.

Teenagers

Teens who witness domestic abuse may act out in risky or negative ways. This may include fighting with family members, skipping school, having unprotected sex and using alcohol or drugs, according to the Office on Women’s Health in the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. It also may include starting fights, bullying or illegal activity. Other behaviors can include social isolation, depression and anxiety.

Lifelong impact of childhood trauma

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: “Children exposed to violence may have difficulty paying attention and display depression and withdrawal. In the long run, children who witness or experience violence at home are much more likely to perpetuate the cycle of abuse in their own relationships as they grow into adulthood.”

Children who witness domestic violence are experiencing trauma. Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs, are traumatic childhood events that create dangerous levels of stress and can negatively impact the development of the child’s brain and body.

Studies show that ACEs put children at serious risk for lifelong physical and mental health problems, such as obesity, cancer, heart disease, depression, substance abuse, tobacco use and unintended pregnancies.

People with an ACEs score of 6 or more die an average of 20 years earlier than those without ACEs. The Centers for Disease Control reports that more than 65 percent of alcoholism, 58 percent of suicide attempts and 78 percent of IV drug use can be attributed to ACEs.

What can be done?

The first step that should be taken by anyone in a situation where domestic violence occurs is getting help. Children’s Inn provides many services to help victims and their children, including safe shelter.

“Once a child finds themselves in a safe place like Children’s Inn, they have the opportunity to ‘just be a kid’ and start to heal. It’s amazing to see what stability, peace and safety can do for a family,” Carter said.

While children may never forget what they experienced, they can learn healthy ways to cope with their memories and emotions. The sooner the child receives help, the better their chances for becoming a healthy adult.

Ways to help your children include leaving the abusive situation, ensuring they feel safe, letting them know it’s not their fault, finding a support system for them such as teachers, school counselors, therapists, etc. and getting them professional help from a counselor or therapist.

Leaving an abusive relationship may help your children feel safer and make them less likely to tolerate abuse as they get older. If you decide not to leave, Children’s Inn staff can help you create a safety plan to protect your children and yourself.

Drive Out Domestic Violence 2022

Each year, Drive Out Domestic Violence, fueled by Vern Eide Motorcars, raises funds for Children’s Inn and community awareness about domestic violence.

Drive Out Domestic violence is more than a fundraiser. It’s a social movement that reaches more and more people every year with important messages about domestic violence. This year’s campaign runs July 5-27.

You can participate in several ways:

Our posts:

We’ll be posting daily statistics and information about domestic violence in our community. Please share these posts to help spread awareness.

• Facebook: @ChildrensInnSD
• Instagram: @chssd.org
• Twitter: @chssdorg
• LinkedIn: @childrens-inn

Create your own post (sample text):

I am the driving force. You can be too. Support Children’s Inn – Sioux Falls, SD, and Drive Out Domestic Violence from our community. Learn how you can help at driveoutdv.com. #DriveOutDV

Tag your friends to create a challenge and help raise even more funds (sample text):

I donated to Drive Out Domestic Violence and I challenge (Friend 1), (Friend 2) and (Friend 3) to be the driving force.

Order your cupcakes, get your apparel and logo items, or donate online at driveoutdv.com.