The Perch: The duchess, the interview and what it meant to me

By Jodi Schwan, publisher of Pigeon605

Little-known fact: I went to college with Meghan, Duchess of Sussex.

OK, it’s not like I knew her personally. But we were at Northwestern University at the same time, and I’m pretty sure at one point we lived just a few doors apart.

It’s also possible we would have had a class or two together, given her double major that included international studies or that I would have seen her in a theatrical performance. And it’s definitely possible we could have crossed paths around town or on campus.

Another little known fact about me: I’m very disconnected from the entertainment scene. Name a movie or TV show, and odds are great that I have not seen it. So I never saw “Suits,” the legal drama where Meghan Markle gained fame. My first introduction to her was as Prince Harry’s girlfriend – and ever since I’ve paid attention as she has entered the royal family, left her senior royal role and attempted to redefine herself.

Because of our shared experience, I started with a high regard for her. Without getting too over-the-top or self-righteous, I think it’s factual to say that gaining admission to Northwestern isn’t easy. You generally don’t get there unless you can show you’re not just intelligent but intellectually curious, well-rounded in your pursuits and genuinely committed to leaving your mark on the world in a powerful way.

I figured these things would be true of Meghan as they were of so many of my classmates, and I still think they are.

That’s the lens through which I watched her and Harry’s milestone interview with Oprah Winfrey. And as someone who has been on both sides of an interview, especially one with an element of pressure, I know these are not easy conversations. Most people, me included, don’t relish the chance to be interviewed, especially about difficult topics as these were. You do it because you feel like, for whatever reason, you should do it. And when you’re the one conducting the interview, it’s difficult in its own way too.

“The night before the interview, you didn’t sleep. I know you prepared for this. There was nothing off-limits,” CBS morning show host Gayle King said to her friend Oprah in an interview the day after the program with Meghan and Harry had aired.

As a journalist, I immediately related to that.

There’s a pronounced sort of pressure that comes with being trusted to tell someone’s story. I have had those sleepless nights ahead of interviews that would be in front of a much smaller audience.

I tried to find this other quote again and couldn’t – good luck wading through the mountain of media coverage associated with this interview – but at some point, Oprah spoke about how she valued the trust the couple placed in her to tell this story. I believe she said she thanked them for trusting her.

In our profession, that’s what it’s all about. I have found myself saying this exact same thing to people so many times lately – especially since launching Pigeon605.

For years, I largely interviewed business leaders. There’s absolutely a high degree of trust in those conversations, too, and one I’ve always valued.

But with Pigeon605, it’s different. I’ve had the privilege of talking to so many people in the past seven weeks who made news for different reasons – because they overcame incredible odds, stepped up in a big way to help someone else or just did something especially fun or interesting.

I love telling these stories, but they bring their own sort of pressure. I’m very aware that the people I’m interviewing are not typically interviewed. They’re candid and unguarded in ways others aren’t. And in some cases, I’m coming into their lives at a time when they have just been affected profoundly by a near-death experience or another sort of life-defining moment.

It’s a privilege to be invited into those moments, so it’s on me to make this the best experience possible, no matter why we’re doing the interview. And it’s especially on me to retell their story accurately, fairly and in a way that reflects the spirit in which they told it to me.

That was probably my saddest takeaway, personally, from an interview filled with regrettable revelations. When Meghan and I were at college together, I was learning how to practice journalism the right away. And I blame those who claim to be tied to my profession for creating a situation so untenable for her and her family.

It’s bigger than Harry and Meghan, of course. I don’t think there can be any question that British tabloid journalism is uniquely responsible for generations of mental health issues and other dysfunction within the royal family.

“For so many in my family, what they do, is there’s a level of control in that because they’re fearful of what the papers are going to say about them,” Harry, the Duke of Sussex, said in the interview.

“Whereas with us it was just like, just be yourself. Just be genuine. Just be authentic. If you get it wrong, get it wrong, if you get it right, you get it right.”

Right? So right.

While this is an extremely amplified version of how the wrong kind of media can affect a person, don’t kid yourself that this doesn’t happen in ways big and small in the U.S. and right where we live.

We make decisions and live or act a certain way because we’re worried about what other people will think of us. We worry, if we are public figures, how we might be covered in the media or who might say what about us online. We sometimes worry if we are private individuals what people might be saying about us or how they might be judging us. And if you’re not managing those thoughts, they can eat away at you just like they did here.

Oprah said she talked with Meghan shortly after she became a royal and was told by someone connected to the palace that “it would be best if she could be 50 percent less than she was.”

“I don’t know how you’re going to survive being half of yourself,” Oprah said to her at the time.

And, of course, she wouldn’t. Few if anyone could or certainly should.

For me, the interview was a reminder to never lose sight of the trust placed in me every time I do an interview.

But for all of us, it can be a reminder to live as your whole, authentic self, whatever that looks like and whatever it takes to get there.

Note: Photo is by Harpo Productions/photographer Joe Pugliese

Jodi Schwan is the owner of Sioux Falls-based Align Content Studio, publisher of Pigeon605 and SiouxFalls.Business.

The Perch offers anyone the chance to share a message through Pigeon605. To suggest a column, email [email protected].