Preparing your child to become a sibling

This paid piece is sponsored by Sanford Health.

Congratulations! You and your family are expecting a new baby. Now, how best to break the news to the current ruler of the roost – your existing child?

Here are some tips – broken down by age and developmental ability – for helping tell your child that they will become a sibling.

Under 2-year-old sibling

Generally speaking, children younger than 2 do not have the developmental capacity to understand having a new brother or sister. They likely will have no adult memories without that person.

Children this age are beginning to develop empathy and can pick up on your excitement though, so it is important to always be positive about the new baby.

Other tips for success include:

• Focus on and celebrate being the older sibling. A great way to do this is by scheduling special “big kid” activities with Dad, a grandparent, aunt or uncle, or family friend.
• Read simple books about babies like “My New Baby” by Rachel Fuller.
• Look at pictures of new babies.
• Use words like “sister,” “brother” and “new baby” often and in a positive way.

Preschool age sibling – 2 to 4 years

Children this age can be very black and white. They often do not do well with change and still can be quite clingy with parents. The idea of a new baby can be scary for them. Here are some things you can try:

• Consider waiting until later in the pregnancy to tell them.
• Involve kids this age in preparing for the baby – they love being helpers. Take them along when shopping for baby things.
• Read books about becoming a big brother or sister like “The New Baby” by Mercer Mayer or “Lola Reads to Leo” by Anna McQuinn.
• Go through old toys with your child, allowing them to designate toys that can go to the new baby – and perhaps toys that are off-limits.
• Show them baby pictures to celebrate when they were a baby.
• Consider buying them a doll so they can take care of their own baby.
• Spend special mommy time with your child before the new baby comes.
• Once the baby arrives, plan special “big kid” time with Dad, grandparents or family friends.
• Be honest. Prepare your child for when you will be at the hospital and where they will stay. Explain that babies can be cute and fun but also can cry.
• Anticipate regression at this age. Older siblings may take an interest in bottles or blankies again. Toilet-trained children can start having accidents. This is normal. Stay patient.
• Come up with special jobs only the older sibling can do for the baby.

5 years or older sibling

While kids this age may resent all the attention a new baby receives, they typically are less threatened than younger children. Remember:

• Kids this age love to be helpers. Give them specific roles for preparing for the baby such as decorating the nursery or picking out baby toys.
• Give them a distinct role in caring for the new baby once they arrive.
• Reward and praise them for their involvement.
• Remind them how special they are, and remember their age-specific needs and activities.
• Since many visitors will bring gifts for the new baby, consider having small treats or rewards on hand for the older sibling. This will help prevent resentment toward the new baby.

Reviewed by Jessi Skoglund, early childhood specialist at Sanford Health.

Learn more

• Tips for dads: Ready for fatherhood?
• Fur baby, meet newborn baby
• New baby checklist: Everything from cribs to clothing