Confessions of a soccer parent

Our parent “confessions” series gives an inside, anonymous (unless you choose otherwise) look at life in the activities that help define our kids’ childhoods. Want to share an inside look at your kid’s activity of choice? Email [email protected].

In this edition, a Sioux Falls soccer dad takes us for an inside look behind life in the sport.

How did it all start in soccer for your family? What drew your son to the sport?

Well, it wasn’t from me. The only soccer goal we had growing up was used for a kickball backstop.

Matt played in the Dakota Alliance Soccer Club, DASC, developmental events and leagues, but it really was playing with the neighborhood kids that hooked him. We have some friends who have four boys, and while they’re all great athletes, three of them are exceptional soccer players. Matt is two years younger than them, but, as kids do, he began to emulate them.

Watching them play and playing casually in the backyard is what got him headed down the path he’s on – he was aggressive when he started and saw some success that he’s just built on. For me, learning to coach and watching him play turned me into a soccer fan.

Talk us through the progression. How did your son start off in the sport as far as level of participation, frequency of practice, etc., and then how has it steadily increased?

We took him to an indoor, weekly introduction session that DASC was holding at a church in our neighborhood. He had fun playing with the other kids, didn’t get hurt and liked the snack after — snack being the main focus.

We did those and the recreational leagues that I coached at first. He then played about half a season with Tempo before we switched to DASC’s competitive programs as soon as he was old enough. It seems like he has been going to practice a few times a week ever since. It was balanced with baseball and basketball at first. Baseball went away first, and I think basketball is done now as well. I am guessing we will be more soccer than ever now.

What does his participation look like today? How often does he practice, play, etc.?

His competitive team practices two to three times a week. I would like to tell you he really works his tail off during the week, but he doesn’t. He does some outside work, camps and Sanford POWER training sessions, but as much as he loves soccer, he has other passions.

Some of those I wish he liked less — video games — and some I think are just great — snowboarding. Matt is a good soccer player, but neither he nor we are in it with the idea that college scholarships are probably coming. He knows his practice level needs to pick up as he enters high school, but if it gets in the way of snowboarding, we may have problems. At the end of the day, I don’t want anything he does to become a job until he has a job, so we try to keep perspective on how important soccer will be in another four years — I may not always be as successful at that as my wife is — and schedule him accordingly.

How would you describe the travel? Do you have a most memorable trip?

I am lucky to have two good friends who have been Matt’s coaches since he joined competitive development at DASC. They would laugh if you asked them to describe my perspective on travel. I am still amazed at the miles we put on. My dad still shakes his head when I tell him we are heading to Kansas City or Des Moines for soccer yet again –­ and he was a college athlete. But it’s part of the deal.

I think what really stands out is just the time together on the road — when he’s not asleep in the car — eating at different places, and staying in various hotels — when he isn’t on his phone ignoring me.

The travel is a double-edged sword — it’s expensive and time-consuming, but it also gives you time with your kid you wouldn’t normally get. But let’s keep that between us. I like to maintain my grumpy-parent persona for the coaches.

So if we were watching you (and/or your spouse) in the stands during a game, what might we see? What kind of parent-spectator are you?

Well, I am not much of a yeller, but you can tell exactly what I am thinking by watching my body language. However, I am much better at soccer than I am at basketball because I don’t think I know everything about soccer. The truth is I don’t know as much about basketball as I think I do, but I know enough to be a bigger pain in the neck for my wife to manage during hoops. I think my fellow team parents would say I lack a filter, which causes me to spew forth a litany of smart remarks during games about pretty much everything and everyone. I try not to yell much other than “work hard,” but I do occasionally try to sound like I know something and yell out soccer-related advice. Then, I remember I have no idea what I am talking about and go back to cracking jokes. During all this, my wife is either subtly, or not so subtly, trying to get me to be quiet for a minute or two. It usually doesn’t work. But that is not that different from most days of her life, unfortunately.

If I had one critique of me as a sideline parent, it would be to be more positive. I grew up getting coached up on what I did wrong. It makes me see negative things during the game and not the positive all the time. I try hard not to let that leak into the conversation after a game and keep it to my muttering-on-the-sideline routine, but I would bet my son would tell you otherwise. It’s never harsh criticism, but it definitely could be more positive.

OK, be honest, what should parents budget with a child in soccer? A range works fine!

My line for this is that I have never been good at math, and that really comes in handy when thinking about my kid’s activities. I honestly have never added it up, but it’s enough that I can see how we are creating socioeconomic divides in sports. I would bet we spend between $2,000 and $3,000 a year on soccer and possibly more. There is no way to make sense of it economically, so I hope Matt looks back on it fondly when he is older.

What’s the coolest/most memorable thing you’ve seen happen during one of your son’s soccer games?

It’s probably more of an overall feeling I get when watching Matt play. He is constantly smiling when he plays. I have had other parents comment on two things about him. One is that he plays hard all the time. There isn’t an opponent big enough for him to back away from, and Matt has always been one of the smaller kids on the field. The other thing they say is that he is always smiling, which is great because the last thing I try to say to him before every game is ‘play hard, listen to your coach and have fun.’ Maybe he’s listening after all.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen another parent do in the sport?

I’ve seen coaches and parents asked to leave the grounds more than once. I can’t get my brain around that. I would be mortified if I did that. I think I am safe unless they have rules against bad jokes and constant blather on the sidelines.

What do you think your son’s biggest benefits have been from participating in soccer?

Learning to compete in a respectful way and how to be a good teammate. DASC does a good job of promoting both. Matt is a “B” team player, but he always wants to watch the “A” guys play and support them. I think he does it because he wants to get up there with them, but he also does it because he wants to support his friends.

I’ve never heard him complain about not being on the top team even though he would love to be up there. He also is a big supporter of those guys, which is great to see as a parent.

If you could go back and change something about your son’s experience in the sport, would you do anything different?

It would actually be more me to get an earlier understanding that success for my son in sports might not be what I pictured it as for myself. He loves to play, but he isn’t nearly as cutthroat as I was. He wants to win, but it isn’t his whole reason for being. He is way more balanced than I was, and I wish I had recognized that as a positive earlier and that I remembered it more often now.

What do you wish you’d known about being a soccer parent that another soccer parent should know?

See above. 😊. The money will never make sense. The travel is ridiculous. The time commitment is pretty nuts, and your kid may never be a star. But if you focus on the time you get with them, the happiness it brings to them, trying not to make it into more than what it really is and the positive things they do instead of the negative, it will all make sense in time.

I am also a dance dad, and my daughter had her second-to-last recital recently. If you had told me 15 years ago that this end of an era would make me sick to my stomach, I would have laughed at you. I didn’t know I was a Dance Dad! But I love watching her do something she loves to do.

It’s easy to focus on the chaos and wish for it to pass. Don’t do that. Take it in, and enjoy it. It will be gone before you know it.

Finish this sentence: When my son is done playing soccer, I hope he …

Has great memories of playing soccer with his teams but that he thinks of the time we spent when I coached, drove to practice and traveled to tournaments with him was good time with Dad.