Confessions of a hockey parent

Our parent “confessions” series gives an inside, anonymous (unless you choose otherwise) look at life in the activities that help define our kids’ childhoods.

In this edition, a Sioux Falls hockey dad takes us inside one of the fastest-growing sports in town.

How did it all start in hockey for your family? What drew your son to the sport?

A very good friend of my son gave him a hockey stick, puck and ID tags for his sixth birthday. We were not a hockey family, so I am not sure my son really knew what they were for, but his friend got him on the ice, and he was quickly hooked. My son was incredibly shy at the time, and I think the anonymity that the helmet and equipment gave him fit his personality perfectly.

Talk us through the progression. How did your son start off in the sport as far as level of participation, frequency of practice, etc., and then how has it steadily increased? 

He started in the Mite League, practicing a couple days a week, added clinics and private instruction, and continuously spent more and more time on the ice. He was invited to play on a summer team after his second season, and that was really the moment he decided he wanted to be a hockey player. He has chosen to play pretty much year-round since he was 7.

What does your son’s participation look like today? How often does he practice and play? 

He is currently playing varsity for the Flyers. He is on the ice four to five days per week for practice with up to three games on the weekend. He supplements this with private instruction. He plays for Team South Dakota in the fall and spring.

How would you describe the travel? Do you have a most memorable trip? 

Hockey can require some travel as there are not multiple teams in Sioux Falls like you would see in larger hockey communities. We have spent a lot of time in North Dakota and Minnesota.

The level of travel is influenced by the level of play of the team you are on. Our teams have tended to travel more than normal to play a higher level of competition. The Flyers also offer a great city league where there is no travel required. Our most memorable trip is likely a tie between Fargo and South Bend, Ind. We went to Fargo for the Squirt International when my son was 10. We ended up getting second after an amazingly competitive 3-OT loss to a team from Canada. Sounds crazy since they were only 10, but this was probably the most emotional and gutsy hockey game I have seen in one of the greatest hockey tournaments around.

Sharing as the most memorable was two years ago when my son played on the Team South Dakota 14U team. We played on the campus of Notre Dame — huge fan — in the 2019 USA Hockey 14U Nationals and went undefeated into the championship game — only the second time a team from South Dakota has done so. We ended up second, but the whole experience was amazing, and the hockey played was pretty intense. One of the kids on our team had a brother attending Notre Dame, and he brought a sizable contingent to cheer our kids on. It was pretty cool.

So if we were watching you (and/or your spouse) in the stands during a game, what might we see? What kind of parent-spectator are you?

As my son has gotten older, I have mellowed, though I do make some noise when we score. I am usually standing and either filming on the road or scoring when at home. My wife loves the game, stays positive and cheers on the boys. She is a great supporter of our son.

OK, be honest, what should parents budget with a child in hockey?

Hockey can be very reasonable, or it can require a pretty big commitment. It really depends on how invested you choose to be. The Flyers do a great job renting equipment for the younger kids, so you can get into a season for a couple hundred dollars. As you get older and need to buy equipment, the cost grows, but you can buy used to help out with the cost. At the younger ages, kids outgrow equipment before they wear it out, so used makes a lot of sense.

If you stay with a group like the Flyers, the cost is pretty manageable. I think at the high school level, we will pay about $1,500 for the year for everything. At all levels though, the Flyers offer numerous fundraising opportunities to lower your out-of-pocket cost. Many families raise most of their fees through fundraising. If you choose to play summer hockey, you will spend more, and if you choose to play in a Tier 1 program, you will easily drop $10,000 to $15,000. To keep it really reasonable, you can avoid travel hockey and play in the Flyers city league for a few hundred dollars a year.

What’s the coolest/most memorable thing you’ve seen happen during one of your son’s hockey games? 

There have been a lot of great memories, but since I am a huge Notre Dame fan, it was pretty awesome watching my son score a goal on their home ice.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen another parent do in the sport? 

In our very first year of hockey, at our very first jamboree in Sioux City, a mother from a team from TriCity rushed from the stands, screaming at the officials, and tried to climb over the Plexiglas to argue that a goal should not have counted. The kids were 6 years old. At this point, I wondered what the heck we had gotten into.

What’s the biggest misconception people have about kids and hockey?

That a kid is too old to learn how to play hockey. We have different leagues for different abilities, and the city league is a great entry point regardless of age. This is the greatest misnomer about hockey.

What do you think your son’s biggest benefit has been from participating in hockey? 

Self-confidence, a sense of accomplishment, understanding that the work you put in determines the skill that comes out.

If you could go back and change something about your son’s experience in the sport would you do anything different? 

In all honesty, other than being a calmer parent, I don’t think I would. My son has been blessed with great coaches who have pushed him and supported him and great teammates who he has developed close friendships with. He has experienced ups and downs, and has learned and continues to learn how to deal with both. He has accomplished a lot and has more he wants to do. We have been very blessed.

What do you wish you’d known about being a hockey parent that another hockey parent should know? 

To relax and enjoy the ride because it goes way faster than you can imagine. Keep it fun, and let your child take the lead on what he or she wants to do. Kids develop at different paces, and that is OK. Help them develop good work habits, and the rest will take care of itself.

Finish this sentence: When my son is done playing hockey, I hope he ….

Looks back and appreciates all he has accomplished and how fortunate he was to have the experiences he did. I hope he recognizes how much pride his family has in him and how much enjoyment he has brought to them. I hope he looks back with appreciation for all the time and support his coaches gave to him and his teammates. I hope he maintains the friendships he has gained with those he has played with. I hope that going forward he becomes a coach and shares his talents like those before did with him.

Would you like to provide an inside look at life in your child’s activity of choice? Let us know at [email protected].