Volunteer becomes role model for children — and adults

This piece is sponsored by Children’s Home Society.

Volunteering doesn’t take much of Greg Harrell’s time. He spends one or two hours a week with a child at Sioux Falls Children’s Home.

But Harrell, who is a senior vice president at Quoin Bank, has been volunteering at SFCH for nine years. That translates to nearly 500 hours as a Big Buddy, or mentor, to children in residential care.

“Greg is a very sought-after Big Buddy,” said Faron Lais, Children’s Home Society volunteer/development coordinator. “When he comes into the unit to meet his Little Buddy, all the kids greet him.”

“And it’s common for some of the residential youth counselors, who work directly with children, to ask him if he would consider mentoring a particular kiddo.”

Lais attributes Harrell’s popularity to his consistency. “He keeps showing up. Everyone notices it,” she said.

Consistency is key in all mentoring situations, but especially for Big Buddies at CHS. Many of the children served have not experienced consistency in their homes. An important part of residential care is helping children learn they can trust adults.

Harrell’s mentoring inspiration

Harrell was at a Greater Sioux Falls Chamber of Commerce event when he learned about Children’s Home Society. He had been interested in the idea of mentoring but hadn’t signed up anywhere yet.

“I’d never heard of CHS, and I didn’t even know where it was located,” he said. “I went online, reached out, and I spoke to Mari DeBerg, the volunteer coordinator at the time. I went in, took a tour of the facility and had a chance to sit down with her. We hit it off very well, and she said, ‘We’re always looking for mentors, especially for the young men and boys’ — and I felt like it was perfect.”

Harrell explained why he wanted to mentor. “Growing up, I was fortunate enough to have a dad that was involved in my life. But then I also had members of my church that were men that were mentors. I had sports coaches that were mentors. I had male teachers that were mentors. And a lot of my dad’s and mom’s friends who were men were great mentors for me.”

All these informal mentors helped shape Harrell into the person he has become. “I wanted to be able to give back. I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for those mentors.”

Harrell grew up in Fairbanks, Alaska; both parents were in the military. He was recruited to play football at Black Hills State University in Spearfish. After graduation, he lived in Colorado and Wyoming, working for Wells Fargo, and then landed his current position in Sioux Falls.

Nuts and bolts of mentoring

The average length of stay for children at SFCH is 17 months. When volunteers sign up to be Big Buddies, the hope is they’ll mentor the same child until discharge.

Harrell is on his fifth Little Buddy. He has worked with several kiddos from the intensive unit, where some of the more challenging children live, and he has become friends with unit supervisor Scott Egan.

Big Buddy Greg Harrell from Quoin Bank with Children’s Home Society unit coordinator Scott Egan.

“Normally if the weather’s nice, we’re outside,” Harrell said. “ We walk the trail, or we might play basketball. The young man that I currently mentor, who’s around 11 or 12, likes to play Pokemon Go — we’ll walk around the campus and capture Pokemon. Some of the other boys were into football, so we would throw around the football on the playground. Around this time of year, we’ll play a lot of board games.

“Today, I’m bringing ingredients to make sugar cookies because my Little Buddy wanted to bake and give cookies to kids and staff on the unit. We’ll probably play Monopoly, which he beats me in every single time,” he said with a laugh.

“And I gave him a book for Christmas, ‘Lord of the Rings,’ because he loves to read. I’m going to see how far he’s gotten in the book.” And before Harrell leaves, he always asks what the child wants to do the following week.

Part of the plan

The kids at SFCH are in residential treatment because of behavioral challenges. But Harrell hasn’t had any issues.

“These are normal kids,” he said, “kids that you would see in everyday life. They’re respectful. Children’s Home does a great job of creating boundaries, teaching manners. Just like every kid, they have their moments. My niece or nephew have their moments too.

“They’re great kids. And if they’re lucky enough to have a Big Buddy, they cherish that moment when an adult is coming to spend time with them.”

Having a Big Buddy becomes part of a child’s treatment plan. Creating relationships with adults, which are staff and a Big Buddy if the child has one, is a critical part of healing. Among other models, Trust-Based Relational Intervention is used at CHS to help clients learn to trust. Children in residential treatment with backgrounds of abuse or neglect may not have ever been able to trust an adult or experienced a healthy relationship. The consistency of a Big Buddy like Harrell — showing up for that child, week after week — becomes part of a child’s journey to heal from trauma and find hope.

Giving and receiving

The influence of a Big Buddy can last a lifetime. Harrell is aware of this and of his position as a role model.

“In me, I think they see what their future could be like,” Harrell  said. “Seeing an adult that is articulate, that is successful, that demonstrates what a man should be and look like. Before they got to Children’s Home, they may not have seen a lot of positive male role models. They recognize that, oh, this is how life can be, and this is how a man should act.

“I take a lot of pride in making sure that I am upholding what a man should do — taking responsibility, being respectful and striving to work hard every single day,” he said. “My Little Buddies will ask me, how’s the bank and how’s work and what did you do this weekend and things like that, and I share some of the things I do. Their lives may have been completely different, and I’m able to provide that perspective.”

Still, Harrell feels that he’s the lucky one.

“I’ve learned gratitude,” he said. “As adults, we think gosh, I wish this or that had been different, in our own lives. But then I look back and realize I’m pretty blessed. A lot of things have worked out in my favor, while a lot of kids just weren’t born into those opportunities. It’s allowed me to feel less selfish.

“And hanging out with a young child teaches me patience. Sometimes, their attention span is all over the place and to help redirect them back to hey, we’re baking cookies, we shouldn’t run over here just because two or three kids are having their own little side conversation. We need to focus on what we’re doing.”

He spends on average a couple of years with each of his Little Buddies.

“So I get to know them really well. In my nine years, I feel like I’ve gotten more out of it than they have. I really do,” he said.

“I have not been fortunate enough to have my own kids. But I get to spend quality time with some of these great kids, and they have been great, all five of them. I mean, I still have their pictures — a couple are in my office, and some are at home. It’s just been very rewarding.”

Message to others

Harrell is impressed by CHS and the care that children receive.

“Children’s Home should get more recognition than they do,” he said. “I think a lot of people in the community just have no clue what they’re doing. It’s unbelievable the things they do, the staff and the teachers. I’ve gotten to know some of them over the years, and some have been there for a long time.”

“I know they’re always looking for Big Buddies,” he said. “If you care about kids, if you care about the future of this community, if you care about the future of this country and you have an opportunity to volunteer an hour a week, do it. Even if you have your own kids.”

“Just being a consistent, positive force in a young person’s life makes a world of difference.”

To learn more about volunteering at Children’s Home Society, please visit chssd.org/support/volunteer.