This couple had seven kids before the age of 30. And all were adopted

This paid piece is sponsored by Children’s Home Society.

Gwen and Eugene Betz were married at 22.

By 23, they were homeowners.

They also were foster parents.

And by the time the couple turned 30, the family had grown many times over.

They were parents to seven children — all adopted.

November is National Adoption Month, though that certainly could be any or every month for Gwen and Eugene, who bring a unique perspective to their journey in becoming a family.

“We started 2015 with three kids and ended 2015 with seven kids,” Gwen said, laughing.

Gwen is a youth care provider at Children’s Inn, which is a program of the Children’s Home Society. Another CHS program, Wendy’s Wonderful Kids, operated by CHS Community Based Services, is what connected the couple with the possibility of adoption.

“We had been visiting with someone from Wendy’s Wonderful Kids,” Gwen said. “In January 2015, we were chosen for Markus, who was 12.”

Siblings snowball

The couple had three foster children at the time, all of whom were on the adoption track. Jailee was just 1 year old and had been with them since she was 8 months; she had a newborn baby brother, Garett. Gwen and Eugene decided to adopt the two siblings so they could be together. And so, Garett joined the family straight from the hospital, when he was just 3 days old.

In the meantime, Gwen and Eugene had two additional foster children — siblings who were 4 and 7. As it turned out, they had two older siblings who were 9 and 11. Gwen and Eugene didn’t want them to be split up, so they adopted all four: Santasia, age 11; Matthias, age 10; Brayden, age 7; and Kyndra, age 4.

It’s not surprising that by the end of 2015, the couple also had purchased a new, larger, house.

‘It just happened’

The Betz family knew what they were getting into — sort of.

“I have my degree from Augustana University in sociology, so I have a pretty good understanding of trauma,” Gwen said. “My husband went to school for criminal justice, so he comes at it from the other side. It creates some challenges, but we balance each other out.”

From the time she was a teenager, Gwen had been interested in adopting.

“Both my family and my husband’s family had some adopted members, so it wasn’t a foreign concept, and neither of us had a strong need to have biological kids,” she said.

“Once we started in that direction, it just happened.”

Rising to the challenge

Today, the Betz children range in age from 6 to 18. As if that weren’t enough, the family also has three dogs and two cats.

But not all the children are living at home. The three oldest, who have spent time in residential care, struggle with the legacy of trauma.

“Our oldest had seven placements before us, including residential care,” Gwen said.

The next oldest was in residential care for mental health issues. Neither one has graduated from high school. Both have issues with law enforcement related to substance abuse and live on their own.

“Hopefully, they make progress and gains. We did the best we could; we hope stuff sinks in and that they will circle back to that later. And we have stuck with them, have been strong advocates along the way,” Gwen said.

“It’s hard to know what is their character, what is the trauma and what is just teenage behavior.”

Gwen admits that she’s disappointed.

“Markus should have graduated,” she said. “I imagined the graduation party he would have. And Santasia had been excited about going to the prom, but then she dropped out, so no prom. I had looked forward to those events myself as a parent.”

The new normal

With the oldest two children out of the house, the family has five at home. “It’s the new normal. It’s very interesting. Not as chaotic. Life has gotten easier,” Gwen said.

But that doesn’t mean it isn’t busy.

“We have contact with all of the birth mothers of our kids,” Gwen said. “And the kids have contact with their biological siblings — we make sure they see them once every month or six weeks. The bio-family relationships are complicated and messy but good. I hope it answers questions or fills a void for them.”

Some of the family’s former foster kids keep in touch, as well.

“Our first foster kid is getting a driver’s license,” Gwen said. “She was 6 when she moved in with us.”

At Children’s Inn, Gwen works with children in emergency shelter. “I started in October 2016, and I still love it!” she said.

“Being able to develop relationships and give kids the feeling that they are valued is important. It’s sometimes hard with short-term care, but most kids will still take something with them. Our 11-year-old, who stayed at Children’s Inn for three weeks before she came to our home when she was 4, still remembers it.”

The Children’s Inn community is very supportive, Gwen added. “And my family life gives me perspective on working with kids at Children’s Inn.”

After all, parenting children at every developmental stage simultaneously makes Gwen a true expert.

Gwen’s advice for those who are considering adoption? “Expect the unexpected. It’s not for the faint of heart, but it’s definitely a worthwhile road to travel.”

To learn more about adoption and foster care, click here.