The long way home: After two dozen moves, boy’s adoption is finalized

This piece is sponsored by Children’s Home Society.

Imagine moving 24 times during a period of six years.

And imagine that you are a child. You aren’t moving with your family. You are alone, moving from one family to another.

On April 15, former Children’s Home Society client Day’Qwan stood in a Rapid City courtroom as Seventh Judicial Circuit Judge Stacy Wickre told him that 24 moves in his life were too many and that she was granting the petition of adoption.

The journey begins

According to Black Hills Children’s Home therapist Rachel Walton, Day’Qwan entered the state’s care in 2017, when he was 5.

“He had many foster care placements, both in Rapid City and Sioux Falls,” she said. “That included basic foster care, therapeutic foster care, emergency foster care and then psychiatric residential treatment.”

In 2018, Day’Qwan began residential care at Black Hills Children’s Home along with his older brother. “He was with his brother on the same living unit,” Walton said. “He and his brother would argue, act out and gang up together on other kids.

“At the same time, Day’Qwan very much lived in the shadow of his brother. His brother would talk for him, would get things for him, would get him out of trouble and get him in trouble.”

Eventually, the brothers left residential care for a foster placement that was a possible adoptive home. It lasted only three months. The older brother was removed from the foster home first and returned to Children’s Home. Day’Qwan’s behavior deteriorated, and he also was sent back to Children’s Home but this time on a different unit.

“And when he was separated from his brother, he blossomed,” Walton said.

“He could become his own person. His brother had just tried to control him and kind of smothered his growth.”

That’s when she became Day’Qwan’s therapist.

“He was very quiet and reserved. He tried to be as invisible as possible,” she said, adding that at first in therapy, he often would write or draw to communicate but began to open up over time.

Finding himself at home

In June 2022, Day’Qwan was discharged from residential treatment after making excellent progress. Before long, he joined his older brother at the home of CHS therapeutic foster care provider Jodi Lindstrom.

Therapeutic foster care offered by CHS is a higher level of care for children with behavioral or emotional needs. Providers receive additional training and continuous support from case managers and therapists

While the goal always had been to keep the two brothers together, Day’Qwan’s older brother soon moved on to another placement.

“After his brother left, I got to see a whole new side of Day’Qwan,” Lindstom said. “He started to make more progress in school and in the home.” Day’Qwan began to recognize his own voice, those inner thoughts of coping, practicing new skills in a safe setting and grew in his resilience of past trauma.

In 2023, the boys’ aunt in Illinois was approved to become their legal guardian.

“The older brother was very excited about moving there,” Lindstrom said. “But Day’Qwan was not.”

“He said he didn’t want to leave our home. He didn’t want to leave me. He didn’t want to live with his brother because of how it was the first time that we tried it here. He didn’t want to live with people he didn’t know or remember. He didn’t want to change schools. He didn’t want to be so far away.”

It’s extraordinarily difficult for children to navigate relationships between their biological families and foster or adoptive families. For Day’Qwan to make such a brave decision for himself at age 11 was remarkable. He, Lindstom and a host of friends and supporters wrote letters, which convinced the judge to allow him to stay with Lindstrom.

That’s around the time she started thinking about adopting him. Department of Social Services staff had asked her previously about adopting him, but at that time, Day’Qwan still wanted reunification with a biological family, so Lindstrom declined. But when they asked the second time, she said yes.

And so, Day’Qwan officially became a Lindstrom — his choice —  that day in the courtroom.

“Thinking back on the progress that he’s made — he’s just feeling comfortable, not in that fight-or-flight mode anymore,” Lindstrom said. “He knows that this is his house now. He’s not going to be up and moved at any given time. He’s established friends at school and relationships at church and with neighborhood kids. And now he gets to be a typical kid instead of a kid in care.”

Ongoing connections  

Lindstrom is committed to keeping Day’Qwan connected to his biological family to the extent he wants. “We have talked to his biological mom and sister, so they know about the adoption,” she said.

“The sister was very excited about the adoption.”

They’d met several times when Day’Qwan was in foster care at Lindstrom’s home.

“She and I built a trust-based relationship, she knew the boys would be well taken care of and they would have what they need. His mom, on the other hand, she was quite surprised by it.”

After some time, his biological mother thanked Lindstrom and asked that they keep communication lines open. “We came to an understanding of what her role is as his biological mom and what my role is as his adoptive mom,” she said.

“Day’Qwan loves his family very much. We talk about them often and celebrate their birthdays and things like that.” Although he may feel some guilt from time to time, Lindstrom believes he is confident in his decision.

In partnership with CHS

Every step of the way, Lindstrom has worked hand-in-hand with CHS.

She owns and operates a private preschool, and in addition to her two biological children and Day’Qwan, she has a 2-year-old and a 3-year old in therapeutic foster care at her home.

Lindstrom carries a great deal of responsibility and relies on CHS for support. In fact, she said she feels like she’s in partnership with the CHS therapeutic foster care staff. She has relied on them for everything from counseling to training, Christmas gifts and circus tickets.

“I could call my case manager or our therapist and could always find someone within my team to walk me through any issue or give me more tools for my tool belt,” she said. “If we needed to meet, they were always available the following day for an in-person meeting. Or if we needed to see Dr. Wilson (the CHS psychiatrist), I’m confident we could have gotten an appointment; they would have made it happen.”

“Just to know I had my people at Children’s Home to walk through it with me was great. They are experienced and had suggestions and resources.”

Lindstrom has friends who are foster care providers licensed through other programs. “I always want to tell them to work with CHS instead because they’ll get more training and support.”

Thanks to CHS residential care and therapeutic foster care staff, and his adoptive mother, Day’Qwan Lindstrom is finally home.

To learn more about Children’s Home Society services, please visit chssd.org.